Thursday, December 27, 2012

《孩子变笨的三大原因》



1、永远也赢不了的游戏
如果我们让孩子玩一个游戏,这个游戏的难度超出孩子现有的理解能力,但我们又不向他做任何讲解,结果孩子总是不知道该怎么玩,每次尝试都失败,那么孩子的感觉会越来越糟糕,不用别人说,他也会觉得自己很笨。
若是在孩子的生活里,他很少得到“赢”的感觉,最终,他可能就会变成一个看起来笨头笨脑又畏手畏脚的孩子。

2、过早的知识传授
一些热衷于所谓“智力开发”的父母,积极地对幼小的孩子进行读写算训练。那些学业知识不符合幼儿的认知特点,孩子虽然也能靠鹦鹉学舌的方式死记硬背下来,但并不理解,所以往往并未能促进他们的智力发展,反而给孩子带来很大的学习压力,降低了对学习的兴趣,挫伤了自信。

3、大量的负面暗示
有一个充满寓意的童话故事:有一位美丽的公主,从小就被一位巫婆关在一座高塔上面,每天只能见到巫婆。巫婆每天都对她说:“你的样子丑极了,见到你的人都会感到害怕。”公主相信了巫婆的话,怕被别人嘲笑,不敢逃走。直到有一天,一位王子经过塔下,看到了公主那如仙的美貌,惊为天人,救出了她。这位公主才对着镜子意识到自己原来如此的美丽。

事实上,很多父母都可能在无意间充当了“巫婆”的角色。
说孩子“真笨”是一些父母的口头禅,说起时甚至带着爱意。可是,孩子接受到的就是“笨”的信息;有时,望子成龙的父母有意无意地拿孩子与别人相比,“你看人家丁丁多聪明!”“李阿姨的女儿都能用英语和老外对话了,她比你还小呢。”……有时,父母在朋友、外人面前表现谦虚,“我儿子不行,很笨的。”“这孩子很没脑子的。
整日被淹没在如此大量的负面暗示里,孩子怎么能不真心实意地相信自己真的很笨?
当孩子因为上述种种原因,深信自己的脑子很笨、学习能力很差的时候,他就会产生严重的自卑感和自我怀疑,结果就真的成了“学什么都学不会”的笨孩子。


二、《如果你不想孩子变笨》

1、让他体验成功的喜悦
当孩子获得成功,体验到快乐时,大脑里会释放出“脑内吗啡”,这种化学物质会驱使孩子想重复这一经验。所以,从这个角度,我们可以说“成功是成功之母”。
在做游戏、玩玩具、做手工、参加竞赛及做家务等等活动中,鼓励孩子大胆尝试,适当引导,让孩子可以通过一定努力品尝到胜利的喜悦。比如,当孩子跃跃欲试想帮妈妈洗碗时,不要嫌麻烦,或是怕他打碎碗而拒绝他,不妨为他搬个高度适中的凳子,为他戴上围裙、套袖,告诉他怎样轻拿轻放,怎样冲洗干净。当孩子洗好一只碗时,大声夸赞他干得真棒,孩子会很快乐,对自己的能力充满自信!
对小孩子来说,各种探索都是学习的机会,那么,就让我们“为孩子找一棵矮点的苹果树,让孩子踮起脚,伸手就可以摘到苹果”。一次次成功的体验会让孩子信心百倍,动力十足地向下一个更高的目标迈进。

2、兴趣永远第一
凌志军在畅销书《微软小子》里讲了个故事,朱丽叶的儿子沃伦秉性聪慧,才14岁,就已完成高中学业,可以上大学了。在这种情况下,大多数中国父母都会很自豪地叙述孩子的成功,朱丽叶却并不想让儿子现在就上大学,原因是想让他更多地享受童年时光,让他做他喜欢的事情。她与作者有如下的问答:
“作为老师,你觉得成绩、兴趣、快乐童年、道德中什么对学生最重要?”
“兴趣永远是第一。没有兴趣就没有一切。有了兴趣,伟大的成绩便随之而来。”
“那么,作为母亲,你觉得什么对孩子最重要?”
“兴趣,还是兴趣。我希望他有一个很快乐的童年。不过,兴趣还是第一位。有兴趣才有快乐。”
这位母亲的信念与一位前苏联的教育家异曲同工。一次,这位教育家给学前班的孩子们上课。他准备了一个“发言球”,一边从讲台扔出去,一边说“2+3=”,哪个孩子接到球,哪个孩子就说出答案,孩子们学得很高兴。听课老师有的就不理解,说你这不是多此一举吗?直接提问不就可以了吗?要什么“发言球”?他回答说,没有“发言球”,当然也可以提问,但是孩子们却没有了发言的兴趣。
“兴趣是最好的老师”,这句话已成老生常谈,却仍被很多父母熟视无睹。如果你希望孩子越来越聪明、越学越爱学,那就把激发、呵护、提高孩子对学习活动的兴趣放到每日日程上吧。

3、告诉孩子,失败了没关系
学习、活动总有胜败、输赢,怎么给予孩子评定是一门艺术。因为孩子本身不具备自我评价能力,大多数是靠他人对自己的态度来进行自我认识。
当孩子为“失败”而难过时,父母不应以怜悯的态度对待孩子,或者在孩子面前唉声叹气,更甚至劈头盖脸地责骂孩子,正确的方法是让孩子明白,失败、错误没什么大不了的,人人都可能碰到,勇敢、聪明的人会从失败中吸取教训,继续努力。
允许孩子失败,也是对孩子能够成功的一种信任。

最后,让我们思考国际21世纪委员会对“最初的教育”是否成功的判断标准:看它是否“提供了有助于终身继续学习的动力和基础”。如果是,这种教育可以说是成功的;否则就是失败的。

Monday, December 17, 2012

Best Practices for Raising Kids? Look to Hunter-Gatherers


Hold them, share them, let them run free. Why the traditional way of raising kids is better than ours.

On one of my visits 
to New Guinea, I met a young man named Enu, whose life story struck me then as remarkable. Enu had grown up in an area where child-rearing was extremely repressive, and where children were heavily burdened by obligations and by feelings of guilt. By the time he was 5 years old, Enu decided that he had had enough of that lifestyle. He left his parents and most of his relatives and moved to another tribe and village, where he had relatives willing to take care of him. There, Enu found himself in an adoptive society with laissez-faire child-rearing practices at the opposite extreme from his natal society’s practices. Young children were considered to have responsibility for their own actions, and were allowed to do pretty much as they pleased. For example, if a baby was playing next to a fire, adults did not intervene. As a result, many adults in that society had burn scars, which were legacies of their behavior as infants.
Child Rearing
How We Hold Them: Constant contact between caregiver and baby may contribute to the child’s improved neuromotor development. (Photos: Eyecandy Images-Alamy (left); Eric Lafforgue / Gamma Rapho-Getty Images)
Both of those styles of child-rearing would be rejected with horror in Western industrial societies today. But the laissez-faire style of Enu’s adoptive society is not unusual by the standards of the world’s hunter-gatherer societies, many of which consider young children to be autonomous individuals whose desires should not be thwarted, and who are allowed to play with dangerous objects such as sharp knives, hot pots, and fires.
I find myself thinking a lot about the New Guinea people with whom I have been working for the last 49 years, and about the comments of Westerners who have lived for years in hunter-gatherer societies and watched children grow up there. Other Westerners and I are struck by the emotional security, self-­confidence, curiosity, and autonomy of members of small-scale societies, not only as adults but already as children. We see that people in small-scale societies spend far more time talking to each other than we do, and they spend no time at all on passive entertainment supplied by outsiders, such as television, videogames, and books. We are struck by the precocious development of social skills in their children. These are qualities that most of us admire, and would like to see in our own children, but we discourage development of those qualities by ranking and grading our children and constantly ­telling them what to do. The adolescent identity crises that plague American teenagers aren’t an issue for hunter-gatherer children. The Westerners who have lived with hunter-gatherers and other small-scale societies speculate that these admirable qualities develop because of the way in which their children are brought up: namely, with constant security and stimulation, as a result of the long nursing period, sleeping near parents for ­several years, far more social models available to children through ­allo-parenting, far more social stimulation through constant physical contact and proximity of caretakers, instant caretaker responses to a child’s crying, and the minimal amount of physical punishment.
Keep Them Close
In modern industrial societies today, we follow the rabbit-antelope pattern: the mother or someone else occasionally picks up and holds the infant in order to feed it or play with it, but does not carry the infant constantly; the infant spends much or most of the time during the day in a crib or playpen; and at night the infant sleeps by itself, usually in a separate room from the parents. However, we probably continued to follow our ancestral ape-monkey model throughout almost all of human history, until within the last few thousand years. Studies of modern hunter-gatherers show that an infant is held almost constantly throughout the day, either by the mother or by someone else. When the mother is walking, the infant is held in carrying devices, such as the slings of the !Kung, string bags in New Guinea, and cradle boards in the north temperate zones. Most hunter-gatherers, especially in mild climates, have constant skin-to-skin contact between the infant and its caregiver. In every known society of human hunter-gatherers and of higher primates, mother and infant sleep immediately nearby, usually in the same bed or on the same mat. A cross-cultural sample of 90 traditional human societies identified not a single one with mother and infant sleeping in separate rooms: that current Western practice is a recent invention responsible for the struggles at putting kids to bed that torment modern Western parents. American pediatricians now recommend not having an infant sleep in the same bed with its parents, because of occasional cases of the infant ending up crushed or else overheating; but virtually all infants in human history until the last few thousand years did sleep in the same bed with the mother and usually also with the father, without widespread reports of the dire consequences feared by pediatricians. That may be because hunter-gatherers sleep on the hard ground or on hard mats; a parent is more likely to roll over onto an infant in our modern soft beds.
Child Rearing
How They Play: Treating children as qualitatively similar to grown-ups could help them develop into tough and resilient adults. (Photos: Klaus Tiedge / Corbis (left); Jackie Ellis / Alamy)
Even when not sleeping, !Kung infants spend their first year of life in skin-to-skin contact with the mother or another caregiver for 90 percent of the time. A !Kung child begins to separate more frequently from its mother after the age of 1 ½, but those separations are initiated almost entirely by the child itself, in order to play with other children. The daily contact time between the !Kung child and caregivers other than the mother exceeds contact time (including contact with the mother) for modern Western children.
One of the commonest Western devices for transporting a child is the stroller, which provides no physical contact between the baby and the caregiver. In many strollers, the infant is nearly horizontal, and sometimes facing backward. Hence the infant does not see the world as its caregiver sees the world. In recent decades in the United States, devices for transporting children in a upright position have been more common, such as baby carriers, backpacks, and chest pouches, but many of those devices have the child facing backward. In contrast, traditional carrying devices, such as slings or holding a child on one’s shoulders, usually place the child vertically upright, facing forward, and seeing the same world that the caregiver sees. The constant contact even when the caretaker is walking, the constant sharing of the caregiver’s field of view, and transport in the vertical position may contribute to !Kung infants being advanced (compared to American infants) in some aspects of their neuromotor development.
In warm climates, it is practical to have constant skin-to-skin contact between a naked baby and a mostly naked mother. That is more difficult in cold climates. Hence about half of traditional societies, mostly those in the temperate zones, swaddle their infants, i.e., wrap the infant in warm fabric and often strap the infant to a cradle board. A Navajo infant spends 60 to 70 percent of its time on a cradle board for the first six months of life. Cradle boards were formerly also common practice in Europe but began to disappear there a few centuries ago.
To many of us moderns, the idea of a cradle board or swaddling is abhorrent—or was, until swaddling recently came back into vogue. The notion of personal freedom means a lot to us, and a cradle board or swaddling undoubtedly does restrict an infant’s personal freedom. We are prone to assume that cradle boards or swaddling retard a child’s development and inflict lasting psychological damage. In fact, there are no personality or motor differences, or differences in age of independent walking, between Navajo children who were or were not kept on a cradle board, or between cradle-­boarded Navajo children and nearby Anglo-­American children. The probable explanation is that, by the age that an infant starts to crawl, the infant is spending half of its day off of the cradle board anyway, and most of the time that it spends on the cradle board is when the infant is asleep. Hence it is argued that doing away with cradle boards brings no real advantages in freedom, stimulation, or neuromotor development. Typical Western children sleeping in separate rooms, transported in baby carriages, and left in cribs during the day are often socially more isolated than are cradle-boarded Navajo children.
There has been a long debate among pediatricians and child psychologists about how best to respond to a child’s crying. Of course, the parent first checks whether the child is in pain or really needs some help. But if there seems to be nothing wrong, is it better to hold and comfort a crying child, or should one put down the child and let it cry until it stops, however long that takes? Does the child cry more if its parents put the child down and walk out of the room, or if they continue to hold it?
Observers of children in hunter-­gatherer societies commonly report that, if an infant begins crying, the parents’ practice is to respond immediately. For example, if an Efe Pygmy infant starts to fuss, the mother or some other caregiver tries to comfort the infant within 10 seconds. If a !Kung infant cries, 88 percent of crying bouts receive a response within 3 seconds, and almost all bouts receive a response within 10 seconds. Mothers respond to !Kung infants by nursing them, but many responses are by nonmothers (especially other adult women), who react by touching or holding the infant. The result is that !Kung infants spend at most one minute out of each hour crying, mainly in crying bouts of less than 10 seconds—half that measured for Dutch infants. Many other studies show that 1-year-old infants whose crying is ignored end up spending more time crying than do infants whose crying receives a response.
Share the Parenting
What about the child-rearing contribution of caregivers other than the mother and the father? In modern Western society, a child’s parents are typically by far its dominant caregivers. The role of “allo-parents”—i.e., individuals who are not the biological parents but who do some caregiving—has even been decreasing in recent decades, as families move more often and over longer distances, and children no longer have the former constant availability of grandparents and aunts and uncles living nearby. This is of course not to deny that babysitters, schoolteachers, grandparents, and older siblings may also be significant caregivers and influences. But allo-parenting is much more important, and parents play a less dominant role, in traditional societies.
Child Rearing
Illustration by Justin Metz; Source: istockphoto
In hunter-gatherer bands the allo-­parenting begins within the first hour after birth. Newborn Aka and Efe infants are passed from hand to hand around the campfire, from one adult or older child to another, to be kissed, bounced, and sung to and spoken to in words that they cannot possibly understand. Anthropologists have even measured the average frequency with which infants are passed around: it averages eight times per hour for Efe and Aka Pygmy infants. Hunter-gatherer mothers share care of infants with fathers and allo-parents, including grandparents, aunts, great-aunts, other adults, and older siblings. Again, this has been quantified by anthropologists, who have measured the average number of care-givers: 14 for a 4-month-old Efe infant, seven or eight for an Aka infant, over the course of an observation period of several hours.
Daniel Everett, who lived for many years among the Piraha Indians of Brazil, commented, “The biggest difference [of a Piraha child’s life from an American child’s life] is that Piraha children roam about the village and are considered to be related to and partially the responsibility of everyone in the village.” Yora Indian children of Peru take nearly half of their meals with families other than their own parents. The son of American missionary friends of mine, after growing up in a small New Guinea village where he considered all adults as his “aunts” or “uncles,” found the relative lack of allo-parenting a big shock when his parents brought him back to the United States for high school.
In small-scale societies, the allo-­parents are materially important as additional providers of food and protection. Hence studies around the world agree in showing that the presence of allo-parents improves a child’s chances for survival. But allo-parents are also psychologically important, as additional social influences and models beyond the parents themselves. Anthropologists working with small-scale societies often comment on what strikes them as the precocious development of social skills among children in those societies, and they speculate that the richness of allo-parental relationships may provide part of the explanation.
Similar benefits of allo-parenting operate in industrial societies as well. Social workers in the United States note that children gain from living in extended, multigenerational families that provide allo-parenting. Babies of unmarried low-income American teenagers, who may be inexperienced or neglectful as mothers, develop faster and acquire more cognitive skills if a grandmother or older sibling is present, or even if a trained college student just makes regular visits to play with the baby. The multiple caregivers in an Israeli kibbutz or in a quality day-care center serve the same function. I have heard many anecdotal stories, among my own friends, of children who were raised by difficult parents but who nevertheless became socially and cognitively competent adults, and who told me that what had saved their sanity was regular contact with a supportive adult other than their parents, even if that adult was just a piano teacher whom they saw once a week for a piano lesson.
Give Them More Freedom
How much freedom or encouragement do children have to explore their environment? Are children permitted to do dangerous things, with the expectation that they must learn from their mistakes? Or are parents protective of their children’s safety, and do parents curtail exploration and pull kids away if they start to do something that could be dangerous?
The answer to this question varies among societies. However, a tentative generalization is that individual autonomy, even of children, is a more cherished ideal in hunter-gatherer bands than in state societies, where the state considers that it has an interest in its children, does not want children to get hurt by doing as they please, and forbids parents to let a child harm itself.
That theme of autonomy has been emphasized by observers of many hunter-gatherer societies. For example, Aka Pygmy children have access to the same resources as do adults, whereas in the U.S. there are many adults-only resources that are off-limits to kids, such as weapons, alcohol, and breakable objects. Among the Martu people of the Western Australian desert, the worst offense is to impose on a child’s will, even if the child is only 3 years old. The Piraha Indians consider children just as human beings, not in need of coddling or special protection. In Everett’s words, “They [Piraha children] are treated fairly and allowance is made for their size and relative physical weakness, but by and large they are not considered qualitatively different from adults ... This style of parenting has the result of producing very tough and resilient adults who do not believe that anyone owes them anything. Citizens of the Piraha nation know that each day’s survival depends on their individual skills and hardiness ... Eventually they learn that it is in their best interests to listen to their parents a bit.”
Some hunter-gatherer and small-scale farming societies don’t intervene when children or even infants are doing dangerous things that may in fact harm them, and that could expose a Western parent to criminal prosecution. I mentioned earlier my surprise, in the New Guinea Highlands, to learn that the fire scars borne by so many adults of Enu’s adoptive tribe were often acquired in infancy, when an infant was playing next to a fire, and its parents considered that child autonomy extended to a baby’s having the right to touch or get close to the fire and to suffer the consequences. Hadza infants are permitted to grasp and suck on sharp knives. Nevertheless, not all small-scale societies permit children to explore freely and do dangerous things.
Jared Diamond: The World Until Yesterday
‘The World Until Yesterday: What Can We Learn from Traditional Societies?’ by Jared Diamond. 512 p. Viking Adult. $22.94
On the American frontier, where pop
ulation was sparse, the one-room schoolhouse was a common phenomenon. With so few children living within daily travel distance, schools could afford only a single room and a single teacher, and all children of different ages had to be educated together in that one room. But the one-room schoolhouse in the U.S. today is a romantic memory of the past, except in rural areas of low population density. Instead, in all cities, and in rural areas of moderate population density, children learn and play in age cohorts. School classrooms are age-graded, such that most classmates are within a year of each other in age. While neighborhood playgroups are not so strictly age-segregated, in densely populated areas of large societies there are enough children living within walking distance of each other that 12-year-olds don’t routinely play with 3-year-olds.
But demographic realities produce a different result in small-scale societies, which resemble one-room schoolhouses. A typical hunter-gatherer band numbering around 30 people will on the average contain only about a dozen preadolescent kids, of both sexes and various ages. Hence it is impossible to assemble separate age-cohort playgroups, each with many children, as is characteristic of large societies. Instead, all children in the band form a single multi-age playgroup of both sexes. That observation applies to all small-scale hunter-gatherer societies that have been studied. In such multi-age playgroups, both the older and the younger children gain from being together. The young children gain from being socialized not only by adults but also by older children, while the older children acquire experience in caring for younger children. That experience gained by older children contributes to explaining how hunter-gatherers can become confident parents already as teenagers. While Western societies have plenty of teenage parents, especially unwed teenagers, Western teenagers are suboptimal parents because of inexperience. However, in a small-scale society, the teenagers who become parents will already have been taking care of children for many years.
Another phenomenon affected by multi-age playgroups is premarital sex, which is reported from all well-studied small hunter-gatherer societies. Most large societies consider some activities as suitable for boys, and other activities as suitable for girls. They encourage boys and girls to play separately, and there are enough boys and girls to form single-sex playgroups. But that’s impossible in a band where there are only a dozen children of all ages. Because hunter-gatherer children sleep with their parents, either in the same bed or in the same hut, there is no privacy. Children see their parents having sex. In the Trobriand Islands, one researcher was told that parents took no special precautions to prevent their children from watching them having sex: they just scolded the child and told it to cover its head with a mat. Once children are old enough to join playgroups of other children, they make up games imitating the various adult activities that they see, so of course they have sex games, simulating intercourse.
Either the adults don’t interfere with child sex play at all, or else !Kung parents discourage it when it becomes obvious, but they consider child sexual experimentation inevitable and normal. It’s what the !Kung parents themselves did as children, and the children are often playing out of sight where the parents don’t see their sex games. Many societies, such as the Siriono and Piraha and New Guinea Eastern Highlanders, tolerate open sexual play between adults and children.
What We Can Learn
Let’s reflect on differences in child-rearing practices between small-scale societies and state societies. Of course, there is much variation among industrial state societies today in the modern world. Ideals and practices of raising children differ between the U.S., Germany, Sweden, Japan, and an Israeli kibbutz. Within any given one of those state societies, there are differences between farmers, urban poor people, and the urban middle class and differences from generation to generation within a society.
Nevertheless, there are still some basic similarities among all of those state societies, and some basic differences between state and nonstate societies. State governments have their own separate interests regarding the state’s children, and those interests do not necessarily coincide with the interests of a child’s parents. Small-scale nonstate societies also have their own interests, but a state society’s interests are more explicit, administered by more centralized top-down leadership, and backed up by well-defined enforcing powers. All states want children who, as adults, will become useful and obedient citizens, soldiers, and workers. States tend to object to having their future citizens killed at birth, or permitted to become burned by fires. States also tend to have views about the education of their future citizens, and about their citizens’ sexual conduct.
Naturally, I’m not saying that we should emulate all child-rearing practices of hunter-gatherers. I don’t recommend that we return to the hunter-gatherer practices of selective infanticide, high risk of death in childbirth, and letting infants play with knives and get burned by fires. Some other features of hunter-gatherer childhoods, like the permissiveness of child sex play, feel uncomfortable to many of us, even though it may be hard to demonstrate that they really are harmful to children. Still other practices are now adopted by some citizens of state societies, but make others of us ­uncomfortable—such as having infants sleep in the same bedroom or in the same bed as parents, nursing children until age 3 or 4, and avoiding physical punishment of children.
But some other hunter-gatherer child-rearing practices may fit readily into modern state societies. It’s perfectly feasible for us to transport our infants vertically upright and facing forward, rather than horizontally in a pram or vertically but facing backward in a pack. We could respond quickly and consistently to an infant’s crying, practice much more extensive allo-parenting, and have far more physical contact between infants and caregivers. We could encourage self-­invented play of children, rather than discourage it by constantly providing complicated so-called educational toys. We could arrange for multi-age child playgroups, rather than playgroups consisting of a uniform age cohort. We could maximize a child’s freedom to explore, insofar as it is safe to do so.
But our impressions of greater adult security, autonomy, and social skills in small-scale societies are just impressions: they are hard to measure and to prove. Even if these impressions are real, it’s difficult to establish that they are the result of a long nursing period, allo-­parenting, and so on. At minimum, though, one can say that hunter-gatherer rearing practices that seem so foreign to us aren’t disastrous, and they don’t produce societies of obvious sociopaths. Instead, they produce individuals capable of coping with big challenges and dangers while still enjoying their lives. The hunter-gatherer lifestyle worked at least tolerably well for the nearly 100,000-year history of behaviorally modern humans. Everybody in the world was a hunter-gatherer until the local origins of agriculture around 11,000 years ago, and nobody in the world lived under a state government until 5,400 years ago. The lessons from all those experiments in child-rearing that lasted 
for such a long time are worth considering seriously.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2012/12/16/best-practices-for-raising-kids-look-to-hunter-gatherers.html?source=socialflow&account=newsweek&medium=twitter

Monday, November 19, 2012

Why Fewer Toys Will Benefit Your Kids


by JOSHUA BECKER

The potential possibilities of any child are the most intriguing and stimulating in all creation.” – Ray L. Wilbur
Toys are not merely playthings. Toys form the building blocks for our child’s future. They teach our children about the world and about themselves. They send messages and communicate values. And thus, wise parents think about what foundation is being laid by the toys that are given to their kids.
Wise parents also think about the number of toys that children are given. While most toy rooms and bedrooms today are filled to the ceiling with toys, intentional parents learn to limit the number of toys that kids have to play with.
They understand that fewer toys will actually benefit their children in the long-term:
  1. Kids learn to be more creative. Too many toys prevent kids from fully developing their gift of imagination. Two German public health workers (Strick and Schuster) conducted an experiment in which they convinced a kindergarten classroom to remove all of their toys for three months. Although boredom set in during the initial stages of the experiment, the children soon began to use their basic surroundings to invent games and use imagination in their playing.
  2. Kids develop longer attention spans. When too many toys are introduced into a child’s life, their attention span will begin to suffer. A child will rarely learn to fully appreciate the toy in front of them when there are countless options still remaining on the shelf behind them.
  3. Kids establish better social skills. Children with fewer toys learn how to develop interpersonal relationships with other kids and adults. They learn the give and take of a good conversation. And studies have attributed childhood friendships to a greater chance of success academically and in social situations during adulthood.
  4. Kids learn to take greater care of things. When kids have too many toys, they will naturally take less care of them. They will not learn to value them if there is always a replacement ready at hand. If you have a child who is constantly damaging their toys, just take a bunch away. He will quickly learn.
  5. Kids develop a greater love for reading, writing, and art. Fewer toys allows your children to love books, music, coloring, and painting. And a love for art will help them better appreciate beauty, emotion, and communication in their world.
  6. Kids become more resourceful. In education, students aren’t just given the answer to a problem; they are given the tools to find the answer. In entertainment and play, the same principle can be applied. Fewer toys causes children to become resourceful by solving problems with only the materials at hand. And resourcefulness is a gift with unlimited potential.
  7. Kids argue with each other less. This may seem counter-intuitive. Many parents believe that more toys will result in less fighting because there are more options available. However, the opposite is true far too often. Siblings argue about toys. And every time we introduce a new toy into the relationship, we give them another reason to establish their “territory” among the others. On the other hand, siblings with fewer toys are forced to share, collaborate, and work together.
  8. Kids learn perseverance. Children who have too many toys give up too quickly. If they have a toy that they can’t figure out, it will quickly be discarded for the sake of a different, easier one. Kids with fewer toys learn perseverance, patience, and determination.
  9. Kids become less selfish. Kids who get everything they want believe they can have everything they want. This attitude will quickly lead to an unhealthy (and unbecoming) lifestyle.
  10. Kids experience more of nature. Children who do not have a basement full of toys are more apt to play outside and develop a deep appreciation for nature. They are also more likely to be involved in physical exercise which results in healthier and happier bodies.
  11. Kids learn to find satisfaction outside of the toy store. True joy and contentment will never be found in the aisles of a toy store. Kids who have been raised to think the answer to their desires can be bought with money have believed the same lie as their parents. Instead, children need encouragement to live counter-cultural lives finding joy in things that truly last.
  12. Kids live in a cleaner, tidier home. If you have children, you know that toy clutter can quickly take over an entire home. Fewer toys results in a less-cluttered, cleaner, healthier home.
I’m not anti-toy. I’m just pro-child. So do your child a favor today and limit their number of toys. (Just don’t tell them you got the idea from me.)


http://www.becomingminimalist.com/why-fewer-toys-will-actually-benefit-your-kids/

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Something for you to read and to lighten up.

Warning: Do not upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. 

Dear Tech Support Team, ... ... Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. ... In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities. Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3 , PlayBall 5.0 , BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0 .

Please help!

Thanks,

"A Troubled User"

REPLY: Dear Troubled User,

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support).

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software Dresses 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0.

WARNING: DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithSh ortSkirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system and to your computer as well.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

12 reasons babies cry and how to soothe them


by Dana Dubinsky 

Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
Last updated: March 2012
This is one useful article that I'm saving for my sister-in-law's reference.  Good luck to her and can't wait to see my little nephew.  :)
There's no getting around it: Babies cry. It's how they communicate hunger, pain, fear, a need for sleep, and more.


So how are parents supposed to know what their baby is trying to tell them? It can be tricky to interpret your child’s cries, especially at first.
Here are the most common reasons babies cry. If your little one is wailing and you don't know why, work your way down the list. Chances are you'll find something that helps.

1. Hunger

This is probably the first thing you think of when your baby cries.
Learning to recognize the signs of hunger will help you start your baby's feedings before the crying stage. Some signs to watch for in newborns: fussing, smacking of lips, rooting (a newborn reflex that causes babies to turn their head toward your hand when you stroke their cheek), and putting  their hands to their mouth.

2. A dirty diaper

Some babies let you know right away when they need to be changed. Others can tolerate a dirty diaper for quite a while.
Either way, this one is easy to check and simple to remedy.

3. Needs sleep

Aren't babies lucky? When they're tired they can simply go to sleep – anytime, anywhere. Or so adults like to think.
In reality, it's harder for them than you might think. Instead of nodding off, babies may fuss and cry, especially if they're overly tired.
We thought our daughter was colicky for the first five weeks of life, until we read about how babies get really cranky if they're exhausted. After we started putting her to sleep as soon as she yawned the first time at any time of the day, she cried a lot less and had fewer problems with gas.
— Anonymous
I've noticed that if my baby starts crying after being played with, fed, and changed, and she's been up for a while, she is overtired! I just hold her close, talk to her in a soft voice, and let her cry. She doesn't cry hard when I hold her like that. She makes funny fussy noises with her eyes closed. Before long, she's sound asleep.
— Stefanie
A loud shhhhhh sound works incredibly well. I had to make a recording because I was getting lightheaded from doing it so much for my daughter. My recording lasts for 48 minutes, and it works every time!
— Rob
My 2 ½-month-old is so interested in everything that she doesn't want to stop being part of it by falling asleep. Yet she's tired and cranky at the same time. Minimizing sensory input sometimes helps her feel like she's not "missing something" by settling down. (And then there are the times when she's just going to cry no matter what I do.)
— Anonymous

4. Wants to be held

Babies need a lot of cuddling. They like to see their parents' faces, hear their voices, and listen to their heartbeats, and can even detect their unique smell. Crying can be their way of asking to be held close.
You may wonder if you'll spoil your baby by holding him so much, but during the first few months of life that isn't possible. To give your arms some relief, try wearing your baby in a front carrier or sling.
I like to lightly wrap my daughter in a soft blanket, hold her in a nursing position and lightly stroke her face and head. She loves feeling my hands in her hair and calms down pretty quickly.
— Tiffany
My son loves to hear my voice, so when he cries uncontrollably, I hold him close to my chest and tell him that Mommy is here and will protect him. Within minutes, he is sleeping in my arms!
— Jey

5. Tummy troubles (gas, colic, and more)

Tummy troubles associated with gas or colic can lead to lots of crying. In fact, the rather mysterious condition called colic is defined as inconsolable crying for at least three hours a day, at least three days a week, at least three weeks in a row. 
If your baby often fusses and cries right after being fed, he may be feeling some sort of tummy pain. Many parents swear by over-the-counter anti-gas drops for babies or gripe water (made from herbs and sodium bicarbonate). Get your doctor's okay before using either of these.

Milestones


Record the moments that matter inyour baby's amazing development.
Even if your baby isn't colicky and has never been fussy after eating, an occasional bout of gas pain can make him miserable until he works it out. If you suspect gas, try something simple to eliminate it such as putting him on his back, holding his feet, and moving his legs in a gentle bicycling motion.
Discover other possible causes of babies abdominal pain, including reflux, stomach flu, milk allergy, lactose intolerance, constipation, and intestinal blockage.
One time when my daughter was 9 months old she cried inconsolably for two hours. She had never done that before (nursing was always the answer to everything, but this time she wouldn't even nurse) and we had to catch a cross-country flight. The doctor told me to take her to a nearby clinic. While we waited in the exam room, she let out a big fart, and after that she was fine. It was just gas.
— Kate
When my daughter was a baby she was gassy a lot, and would scream and cry in pain. I would give her some infant gas drops, lay her on my bed on her back, and gently push her knees up to her belly in a rocking motion and sing a little song. Soon she would let out some farts and be fine.
— Wife & mommy of two
If your baby is wearing any kind of pants, especially with a somewhat snug elastic waist, try pulling the waistband away from the belly to see if it helps. Sometimes that little bit of pressure hurts their tummy.
— Mom of 2
Just found out why my baby has been crying badly for the last day and a half – he was constipated! He finally passed a 4-inch poop that was very, very hard. Suppositories work wonders.
— txblondetori

6. Needs to burp

Burping isn't mandatory. But if your baby cries after a feeding, a good burp may be all he needs.
Babies swallow air when they breastfeed or suck from a bottle, and if the air isn't released it may cause some discomfort. Some babies are intensely bothered by having air in their tummy, while others don't seem to burp or need to be burped much at all.
My little one often cries because he has a difficult time burping after a feed, even with back rubbing and patting. What I found helps is some "tummy time." He'll often let out a great big burp after a few minutes on his tummy.
— Anonymous
I can't count how many times I've burped (or tried unsuccessfully to burp) my little one when she's fussy after a feeding. Some more walking around and patting on the back will sometimes let loose a HUGE belch – no wonder she was crying!
— NovPiglet

7. Too cold or too hot

When your baby feels chilly, such as when you remove his clothes to change a diaper or clean his bottom with a cold wipe, he may protest by crying.
Newborns like to be bundled up and kept warm — but not too warm. As a rule, they’re comfortable wearing one more layer than you need to be comfortable. Babies are less likely to complain about being too warm than about being too cold, and they won't cry about it as vigorously.

8. Something small

Babies can be troubled by something as hard to spot as a hair wrapped tightly around a tiny toe or finger, cutting off circulation. (Doctors call this painful situation a "hair tourniquet," and it's one of the first things they look for if a baby seems to be crying for no reason.) 
Some babies are extra sensitive to things like scratchy clothing tags or fabric.And they can be very picky (understandably) about subtleties ranging from the position they're held in to the bottle you offer. 
It helps me to think, "What could be making me uncomfortable if I were her?" These are some weird ones I've come up with: Is my finger or foot stuck/cramped? Do I need to sit/lie differently? The pacifier tastes gross and needs washing. This tag or outfit is itchy. It's colder near the floor. The light is too bright and the TV is annoying – I want soft music instead.
— cunnincl25
Something I've found that irritates my son is a hair wrapped around his penis. If you have a baby boy, be sure to check for hair in his diaper, since it is very sensitive down there.
— Anon
My 2-month-old cried whenever we fed him. But sometimes he'd drink ravenously, so he was obviously hungry. The problem vanished when we switched to a different brand of nipple.
— Anonymous

9. Teething

Teething can be painful as each new tooth pushes through tender young gums. Some babies suffer more than others, but all are likely to be fussy and tearful at some point along the way.
If your baby seems to be in pain and you're not sure why, try feeling his gums with your finger. You may be surprised to discover the hard nub of a baby tooth on its way in.
On average, the first tooth breaks through between 4 and 7 months, but it can happen earlier. Find out more about teething and how to ease the pain.

10. Wants less stimulation

Babies learn from the stimulation of the world around them, but sometimes they have a hard time processing it all — the lights, the noise, being passed from hand to hand. Crying can be a baby's way of saying, "I've had enough."
Many newborns enjoy being swaddled. It seems to make them feel more secure when the world gets overwhelming. If your baby's too old for swaddling or doesn't like it, try retreating to a serene spot and letting your baby vent for a while to manage a meltdown.
Swaddling is a huge help, especially to infants. Being tightly wrapped mimics being in the womb and my daughter loved it.
— anonymous
My 6-month-old gets very excited (overexcited would be the right word) after we have fun together. He starts laughing at the most ridiculous sounds and when everything is quiet he starts to cry. That's when we sit on the bed with propped pillows and I read to him in a very low and soothing tone. He calms down in no time and goes to sleep!
— wajiha06

11. Wants more stimulation

A "demanding" baby may be outgoing and eager to see the world. And often the only way to stop the crying and fussing is to stay active. This can be exhausting for you!
Try "wearing" your baby in a sling, front carrier, or backpack.  (Watch our video on baby carriers.) Plan plenty of activities. Hang out with other parents with babies. Go on regular outings to kid-friendly places, whether that's your local playground, a children's museum, or the zoo.
My 7-month-old wants constant activity going on around him. If I put him on the floor with his toys while I work on the computer, he fusses. He's happiest when I pop him in a baby carrier while I wash dishes, do laundry, and other housework. He's also especially peaceful in stores and other public places because he's so interested in and curious about the world.
— Anonymous

12. Not feeling well

If you've met your baby's basic needs and comforted him and he's still crying, he could be coming down with something. You may want to check his temperature to rule out a fever and be alert for other signs of illness.
The cry of a sick baby tends to be distinct from one caused by hunger or frustration. If your baby's crying "just doesn't sound right," trust your instincts and call or see a doctor.

What to do if your baby's still crying

Full tummy? Check. Clean diaper? Check. Fever-free? Check.
So why is your baby crying? Babies have their own good reasons. But even the wisest parents can't read their babies' mind – and babies don't have the words to tell us what's wrong.
Fortunately, you can offer comfort without knowing the cause of distress. You'll find lots of tried-and-true methods in our article on what to do when your baby cries for "no reason."